The Batooro

 I have always seen people dissing the most polite and humble Nation in Uganda.. the Batooro. Comedians have made a fortune over throwing jibes about them. At times I don't find it as funny because I believe all of us are Ugandans. However, at the peril of my OBs and great friends whom we met in High School, Kyomuhendo,  Businge his young brother and Andrew M. Mwenda that I met at Makerere University when he had a part time stint as a Lecturer of Development Economics and  assured  me in 2001 that he would marry a mufumbira, and up to now, we are still waiting. 

But allow me to share my experience with this aimble group of Ugandans. 

The first mutooro I interacted with was Patrick.  You see when you are from an upcountry school, he was from Nyakasura School and I was from Kigezi High School, as a few real westerners (I use the words "real westerners" because there were other westerners who had grown up and schooled in Kampala, therefore their realness had been compromised), we automatically had to connect. 

I had never heard anyone speak rutooro  but because I knew Rukiga, i could pick. Credit to him I learnt alot of Rutooro from him. As S. 5. new students, in the 1st one week it was basically orientation. However, every after supper that's around 7PM, Patrick would disappear. The rest of us would be mixing and mingling in that time trying to learn some luganda as well as learning to pronounce words like Sajest for Suggest not what we used to pronounce as Sagesti, Patrick would be no where to be seen. After 4 days I asked him where he used to disappear to after supper and he told me politely, in rutooro, niimba ngire mukitabo, to me ekitabo was was a book. So I asked him, we barely have any notes, we haven't been introduced in library, did you come with your own books. He said Naangwa, ekitabo  nimanyisa in the bed. Now I learnt that a bed is ekitabo further investigations later alone actually reveal to me that in real RRR (Runyakitara) a bed is ekitabo. But again there was a word he used "naangwa" to him he meant "no" yet in Rufumbira it means "but". So I learnt 2 words in 1 minute.

Slowly but steadily I kept learning Rutooro and I can confidently say that I know Rutooro. So recently, we had a function in Kyenjojo, I was with my parents in the car so we arrive at around 6PM and the rendezvous was a certain hotel called Akanyasi, I think because they have an outstanding  grass thatched structure. I dint know the place so I stopped a boda boda rider to direct me. He tried to casually explain to me, without pointing fingers to where we were going but just mentioning names of turn points. I just asked him how much it was to get to that place (all this in pure rutooro to the bemusement of my "passengers") he told me it was 1k. I told him geenda mumaiso nkuhonderere.. move in front of me I will follow you. My key passenger Charles Sendegeya who is my dad btw, told me, Robert be honest, have you ever dated a mutoorokati, to which I told him the truth. No. I know up to now he cant believe it.

Fast forward, we seated at the hotel after dinner then I ask the waitress to serve us drinks, she politely walks, I am avoiding using the word sluggishly, to the counter which was inside. 10 minutes later she wasn't yet back. I walked there only to find her chatting and laughing with her colleague in the counter. I ask her whether she had forgotten, and guess what, she was like, naangwa ndiyo ningareeta kyaari. Sorry I dint forget I am bringing them. I walk back she follows me puts the drinks on the table but with no opener. I asked her where is the opener, kangeende ngireete taata. Let me go and bring it please. I just laughed, If you follow the vibe. Anyways 5 minutes later the opener was brought. So we asked her to bring double double to avoid future delays.

Now the killer was this boda guy, my cousin and I slopped to town to look for a hard drink but everywhere we went they dint have what we wanted, so I thought fast and got a very brilliant idea, let's ask these boda guys since its them and hawkers who know every corner of their towns. 

Those who know Kyenjojo at the stage to Kampala, there's a boda boda stage. I politely greeted them, baptized myself empaako, then asked, nituseruura amarwa agibakweta Black Label lundi Jameson? Kugarabure, nitwiija kutwara redi leebo. We are looking for alcohol called Black Label or Jameson but in case we  don't get that, we shall go with Red Label. This boda guy who was listening attentively, confidently told us, mugende aho muduuka yabayindi.  You go in that Indian Shop behind you. Hearing Indian shop we were more than sure, this was it. We walked minus reading the sign posts because there was too much light.

 We entered with the confidence of Kiptegei entering State House to meet HE after winning gold medals only to find the big indian shop was a Pharmaceutical Shop. I gave up.

Nice read dear friends